I went home this weekend to grab a few things{food}{yeah Im that poor that I shop at my casa, pathetic I know}
But when I was there I didn't feel like saying, "there is no place like home" because it didn't feel like home anymore.
My dad and Annie are not there anymore.
Their smell no longer lingers there.
I felt so strange turning the key and just walking in. I felt like I need to knock and wait.
It felt so strange....... and I don't know why.
Maybe it's because of all the changes that are happening in the next few months{like the motha getting remarried} yep!ya'll heard me R-to the-E-to the-MARRIED{that is a whole new post on its own}
Or maybe because of this change, all my fathers things are disappearing from the house and it makes me want to cry.
Im gonna say it: Im not ready, its too soon.
Maybe some of you will judge me and just tell me to get over it, think of your mother, its not that soon, blah blah blah.
I understand all of it, I do. TRUST ME.
BUT IM NOT READY. so all you judgers, you deal with that.
That doesn't mean I am not supportive, that Im rebelling. it simply means I having a hard time with it.
I don't feel like the home I grew up in since I was 3 years old is home anymore and that is very hard for me to grasp. I feel like I can't just go home anytime I want, because I don't know what I will run into, I feel like I have to make an appointment.
I miss those famous words that little Dorthy says with delight coming out of my very own lips. I miss my home, and I think that is why I am having a hard time with being productive.
There is no place like home-no more.
Picture via {here}
4 comments:
Kim, I totally agree with you. I would have a hard time with that even in five years. I cant believe how well you are handling it actually.
you and me sis!! Love ya!! we need to drowned ourselves in a chick flick and some chocolate!!
Kim sweetie! You have every right to feel that way! I feel like an awful friend because I have no idea what has happened in your life the past few years! I am so sorry you feel that way about you home! I hope things get better for you and just know that I am here for you!
Out of anyone in the family I feel you are in the hardest situation. You were too young to lose your Dad and don't have your own kids and husband (yet) to surround yourself with and forget.
I think you are doing incredibly well. You have got into a super competitive program, worked a lot, and support yourself financially. All while going through this challenging time. Some people would have turned to negative choices, when you have turned to positive.
We love you!
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